It'd been a about 8 weeks since my last cycle, but my cycle is crazy like that and I've been under so much stress and loss so much weight, so I didn't think much of not having a period. But, since I have been under so much stress and alcohol has become oh so tasty and such a good friend of mine, I figured I should probably take a pregnancy test just to be sure.
So at 9:50 at night, I roll up to my local Target, looking "suburban chic" in a flannel, buffalo plaid shirt, torn jeans, glasses, and a messy (not messy cute, messy scary) ponytail. And to top it all off, big, beautiful puffy eyes, thus the glasses, from crying...something I do now, pretty regularly and I'm really good at it. I've got ten minutes to grab a test, and because I'm so eager to laugh at how silly I am to have thought I might be pregnant and even went to the store in the middle of the night to find out, I also have to squeeze a trip to the Target bathroom to use the test in those ten minutes too.
So after pacing in a surprisingly clean handicap stall for 2mins, I look down and see 2 lines. This is clearly a mistake. That's what you get when you buy the cheap target brand, a false positive....right?!? Now I'm really mad! I spent $4 on that test, now I have to go back and buy a $10 digital test just to be sure. I've now got 4 minutes to spend more money just to prove that the Target brand isn't as good as the national brand. In 2 minutes flat I'm pacing again in my stall and some strange letters pop up on the test, Pregnant.
I would love to say that I was happy and relieved or that this was the answer to all my prayers, but it wasn't. If there was ever the worst timing for anything, this was it. My wonderful cookie-cutter life was now a complete disaster and now to add a perfectly innocent baby to this train wreck was to much for me to comprehend. I was still holding on to the possibility that those test were wrong.
With my head still spinning, I drove home and told Andrew. We had actually been trying to get pregnant for nearly a year, which gave me plenty of time to concoct a fun way to tell him we were pregnant. But two months earlier we decided now is definitely not the time to have a baby. So when I got home, those ideas and plans were a million miles away. I simply said, "Hey, wake up. I think we're pregnant and its not my fault."
Still holding on to the idea it was a false positive, which I experienced before, I called my doctor and told her I didn't want an appointment, just a blood test. 6 hours later I had the results, I'm pregnant.
The first few days were a roller coaster of emotions, bouncing from shock, excitement, guilt, fear, and ending on pure happiness. The timing couldn't be worst and this is definitely not the perfect way I'd been planning for so long to start my family, but I'm having a baby either way. I gave myself 4 days to be selfish, angry, and bitter, but now its time for me to move on and enjoy what is to come...a baby with thick hair, big thighs, glasses, and braces.
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