Pregnancy is full of surprises. Seeing as how I'm only 11 weeks along, I'm pretty sure I have no idea about how surprising it can be, but as a 11 week vet. I can offer a little insight into the early weeks. So, pretty much everyone knows that when you're pregnant, there's the good and the bad. The Good: you get a beautiful round belly, long, thick Pantene model hair, and wonderful glowing skin. The Bad: you get sick, fat, swollen appendages, teenage acne, and oh so, lovely stretch marks. But again, like a lot of other pregnancy society secrets, no one mentions the ugly.
The ugly: constipation, gas, bloating, burping, and hemorrhoids. Oh, did I mention gas? When it comes to digestion, with the only exception of burping, I am about as ladylike as they come. My bowels are as stuck up as I am. They only like to move in the privacy of my own home. Going number 2 in the presents of others, shameful. Going more then 2 or 3 times a week, rude and inappropriate. Now, however, I miss the days when I had the option to go when I pleased. When you're pregnant, the hormones in your body slow down and relax certain muscles, making digestion pretty much come to a halt. While this brings misery to me, it gives the baby more time to absorb the nutrients in the very very slow digesting foods. So I guess I can handle a little constipation so my baby can eat.
There's also the gas and bloating. Now matter what I eat or how fast or slow I eat it, I become bloated. While my stomach is a little rounder now, after I eat I look like I'm 6 months pregnant. My stomach swells to an unbelievable size. Even worse, its impossible to suck it in. Someone at work even said they couldn't believe how much I was showing. What?!? Showing?!! I almost lost it. Then I had to weigh what is worse, her thinking I'm carrying massive twins in my massive stomach, or explaining that I'm bloated and my stomach is almost past maximum capacity....due to my vanity, I went with the latter.
As in most cases, the bloating is followed by gas. I hate gas, even my own. But now, I'm sad to say, I can't escape it. I've tried Beano and Gas-x and nothing seems to work. Gas, as I'm sure you know, doesn't go well with a ladylike image. I may as well put on a trucker hat and unbutton my jeans. I feel like I'm running to the bathroom every 5 minutes to relieve myself. But, passing the gas does bring some relief for my gigantic, over stretch, bloated stomach. I know, I'm a digesting pig. Just call me Billy Bob. So if you're around me and something smells fresh, "Excuse me," in advance.
No comments:
Post a Comment